matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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