can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
