all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
