i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
