do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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