just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
