What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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