she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
