i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
