I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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