I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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