pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
