i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
