Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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