i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
