How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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