chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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