During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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