I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
