I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
