It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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