it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
