First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
