New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I'm really busy with my period
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