I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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