one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
