ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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