When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
