I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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