dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
