remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
