I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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