lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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