so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
