So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
