Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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