I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
