I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
