My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
