Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
