Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
