Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
