Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
