That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
