feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have aggressive nipples.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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