Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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