Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
