Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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