she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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