can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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