I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
