two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
