True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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