Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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