did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
