I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
