you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
