Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
