It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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