She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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