I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
