After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
