I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
