Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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