dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize