Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
