its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
