how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
