Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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