Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
