If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
