I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
