i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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